At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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