I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
