Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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