Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
