the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Small penises have feelings too.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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