oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Duck Duck Cougar?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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