the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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