I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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