Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
