i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
