I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
