Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
