dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
