things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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