The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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