My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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