going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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