I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Can I color on your dick again?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
