your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
