Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
