Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
there is puke in my bra ... again
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
