On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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