He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
