Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
