i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
