New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
