there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
