based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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