I faked an abortion last night.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
