Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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