Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He told me they were just razor bumps!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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