WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
