i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
