Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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