Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
