He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
