We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
