Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
