Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
