You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How external is "for external use only"?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
