Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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