Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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