Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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