she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
