Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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