I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
