I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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