I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
