I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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