Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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