i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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