you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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