dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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