They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
