i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
