Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
