I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
