Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
