you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize