Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
