I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
