Your tits are I can't wait for
is wine microwaveable?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
