I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
