How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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