Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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